Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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