I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
