You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
