I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
