At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
