Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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