White coat. Heels.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
