Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
