I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
