Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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