the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want her autograph on my taint
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
