so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
