Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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