glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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