wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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