A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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