I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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