Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
