well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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