yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
