Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
