he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
