I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
