Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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