I accidentally had phone sex last night
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
