so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
