guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
