i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
