it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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