I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
