You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
