Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
