Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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