I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
