wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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