while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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