don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
