I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
