why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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