so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
