Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sext me about skeletons
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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