I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We got so high we made milksteak
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
