Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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