i may or may not be watching the land before time
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
