Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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