i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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