the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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