Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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