He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize