Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My feet surprised me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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