ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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