definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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