Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
