i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
