so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
