If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
