my vag is so smooth its legendary
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
