I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
