Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
