I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
