I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest