Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?