Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.